Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
