Sponge bath it is.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
