it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
