he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Randomize
