the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
