he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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