there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
