Porn is love you can see.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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