Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
