Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
