Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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