I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
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