its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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