dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
