Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I lost the right to judge tonight
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
