So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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