drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
