woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
