just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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