if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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