What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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