when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
