Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
