how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
