am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
It's blow job season.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
