my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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