I'd wear matching sweaters with you
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
