I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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