Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
