If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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