I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
