like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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