I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
