i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
