Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
