Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
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