Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
