I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
