I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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