Just mADE A PArabola og urine
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
