I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
