I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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