My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
