maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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