i will never coherently bang her
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
