On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
