No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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