Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
NoShamevember. You game?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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