Well apparently he's into motor boating.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Randomize
