I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
She even gives head with a lisp.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
