He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
