is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
