I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
