i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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