I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
