so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
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