There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
