I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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