I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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